After All Of This
by ApollaCammi
Summary: Amanda has decided what to do...and can only hope that Kurt will understand.


A/N: A short one shot from Amanda's POV about Kurt and Kitty. Not really fitting in anywhere in the plotline… Hope you enjoy it.

Have you ever wondered where the story ends and how it all began?

I do (I do I do I do...)

Did you ever dream you were the movie star with popcorn in your hand?

I did (I did I did I did...)

---

You know Kurt, there are so many things about you I don't know. I know your basic history, your fear that your powers will be discovered, but I get the feeling you don't tell me everything. Not that I expect you too, but as my boyfriend…maybe I'm just making too much of this. But watching you at the Institute, seeing you with your sister and your friends- you connect on a level that we never have.

---

Do you ever feel you're someone else inside and no one understands?

You are (you are you are you are...)

And wanna disappear inside a dream but never wanna wake?

Wake up

---

There are weird feelings on both sides of the fence because you're a mutant and I'm a human. Frankly though, I don't care what others think. But you do. Kurt, someday you _are_ going to have to show the world your true face, the inducer won't keep you safe forever. You seem so much more content at the Institute then in the real world, but you've got to realize that it's not as bad as you think it is. It's pretty nice out there, actually. Its human nature to fear what we can't understand- so you've got to make us understand.

---

Then you stumble on tomorrow and trip over today

Would you be happier if you weren't so un-together?

Would sun shine brighter if you played a bigger part?

Would you be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather?

You're gonna be just fine (gonna be just fine)

---

I may not be a mutant, and I may not be a psychic, but it's obvious, watching you and your best friend, that the feelings you and Kitty have for each other aren't platonic. I'm not upset- not really anyway. I know that I should feel angry, mad, upset-but I'm not. And that's when what I always know hit me on the head, and none too gently either. I mean; our relationship has always been strained. We learned how to ignore it but that doesn't erase it. My parents don't approve of you and you're always worried that someone will brush up against you or your watch will start to malfunction in public. We've never been able to be completely unworried about anything. Watching you, surrounded by your friends, I'm able to see how relaxed and calm you are. And how much your eyes say they want to be beside Kitty instead of me. Why else would you be so protective of her over Lance? Then I'll catch Rogue or Jean giving me a sad look, and I know they know too.

---

Are you not afraid to tell your story now, but everyone is gone?

It's too late (it's too late it's too late it's too late...)

Was everything you've ever said or done not the way you planned?

Mistake

---

You apologised to me for making me spending so much time at your place. Do you really think so little of me? That I don't enjoy the time I spend there surrounded by your friends? The atmosphere over there is more relaxed than most houses I've been to, and you're always fighting off some attack and worrying over what others are going to think about mutants. Sometimes I can't believe how strong you all are. You give me hope that someday we will be able to live in peace together.

---

And so you promise that tomorrow

Be different than today

---

I'm not sure exactly what I'm trying to say in this letter. Maybe that the break up isn't your fault. It's mine. Because if I hadn't accepted when you asked me out after the Sadie Hawkins dance- if I hadn't asked you to come with me, none of this would have happened. We never really belonged together. It seemed to real to be true for a while, but slowly I realised that while I'm willing to be one of your best friends, I can't be your girlfriend. Not when it means that you'll worry all the time and can't be with the person you really want to be with.

---

Would you be happier if you weren't so un-together?

Would sun shine brighter if you played a bigger part?

Would you be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather?

You're gonna be just fine (gonna be just fine)

---

Tell Kitty how you feel. I know for a fact she broke up with Lance again today at lunch. Tell her before they make up. You're a great guy Kurt Wagner, and you deserve to be happy, and Kitty's the one who can do that for you. You have my number if you ever want to talk- or get advice on what to buy Kitty for her birthday. Take care Kurt.

---

I think you're gonna be just fine

You're gonna be just fine (fine)

So don't worry baby (don't worry baby)

---

Love, Amanda


End file.
